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FIC: When Spies have Boring Assignments [Gundam Wing, Hilde & Middie & Duo & Trowa]
Author: Omnicat v''v
Rating: K+ / G
Genre: Humor
Spoilers & Desirable Foreknowledge: The series proper and Episode Zero.
Warnings: Bisexuality. Spelling Preventors with an ‘o’.
Pairings: Established Duo Maxwell x Hilde Schbeiker and mentions of past Hilde Schbeiker x Catherine Bloom and (as of yet one-sided) Middie Une x Catherine Bloom
Disclaimer: Me no claim, you no sue. That okay?
Summary: "Just watch your step around her." Trowa repeated. "She used to be a spy." Duo gave the phone an odd look. "Are you trying to tell me something, buddy?"
Author’s Note: Another chapter! I’m turning this into a mini-series. One or two more chapters are on the way.
When Spies have Boring Assignments
"...I... don’t get it." Duo admitted, and finally lowered his hand. He’d been scratching his head for several minutes now as he tried to make sense of what Trowa was saying, but if he kept going he’d start undoing his braid - the painful way.
"Just watch your step around her." Trowa repeated. "She used to be a spy."
Duo gave the phone an odd look. "Are you trying to tell me something, buddy?"
"I mean it, Duo. Her infiltration technique is to worm her way into people’s hearts and make them feel like she’s belonged there since forever."
"Hate to break it to you buddy, but you sound like an angry ex-boyfriend."
Duo could practically feel the look Trowa was giving him from the other end. He sighed. "Big boss Une hired her, didn’t she? She’ll have had a good reason for it. Relax, Middie hasn’t tried anything on me, she’s just been doing what Preventors sent her here to do. I’m not interested, anyway, so she her wiles wouldn’t get her anywhere even if she tried."
"What about Hilde?"
"What about her?"
"Apparently Middie swings both ways."
Duo froze. From where he was standing, he could see out the kitchen window and right into the scrap yard. He had a perfect view of the two women, leaning back against a fence together and chatting animatedly.
The phone clattered to the floor.
"Duo? Duo, are you still there?"
"So you’ve never been down to the Earth? You really should sometime, there are so many magnificent sights to see."
"Easy for you to say. You Preventor agents get around - a job here, an investigation there. We get old friends from the agency over at the weirdest times. But if Duo and I leave our perch someone else will come in an d invade our territory, they’ll plunder our haunts and take over our clients. We’d be out of a job before we could say ‘Be back soon!’."
"Geeze, is the competition really that bad?"
"Colonists are industrious people, and salvaging is a lucrative market these days. But it’s partially our own fault. We’re a small, specialized company, just the two of us, while a lot of others in the business band together and form these big organizations that can cover huge sections of space and perform all kinds of services. Duo used to be in one of them - the Sweeper Group, maybe you’ve heard of them?"
"The name sounds familiar, but only vaguely. Why’d Duo leave?"
"Heh, that’s a long story. What it comes down to is that, for our own reasons, we both got caught up in the war during its last year. He ended up leaving the Sweepers for a while and met me, and by the time the war ended he just liked me better. That, and we both got a kick out of the thought of having our own company. Oh, the follies of youth! But yeah, he never did go back to the Sweepers."
"That’s so sweet."
"It is, isn’t it? Just don’t ever bring it up in front of him, he gets all macho and huffy when -" Duo’s mouth fell open from indignation, and Hilde’s gaze swept the stack of parts he was hiding behind.
Cue speak of the devil moment.
Hilde jumped a mile and let out a deafening shriek. Duo screamed in surprise, jumped back, and was promptly buried in falling scrap.
"DUO!" Hilde clutched at her heart as Duo scrambled upright. "What the hell are you doing there?! Were you spying on us?"
"Hilde, gimme a break! How am I supposed to test the rookie if you give me away?"
Middie’s surprised expression was replaced by a suspicious one. "Rookie? I may be new to the Preventors, but I am not a rookie." She planted her hands on her hips. "But you wouldn’t know either way, because we have never met before today. This has something to do with Trowa, doesn’t it?"
"I - well, you see - er, he may have..."
"You know Trowa?" Hilde interrupted.
"I did, a long time ago. It’s complicated." Middie said, and bit her lip.
"Complicated enough to warrant listening in on our conversations?" Hilde asked, her voice growing louder and sharper the further she turned toward Duo. He gulped.
"Well, I... used to be a spy, back when we knew each other. I infiltrated his unit and -"
"Did you now." Hilde gave Duo a meaningful look that was, in turn, rather interesting to look at. It was half reproachfully raised eyebrow and half amused smirk.
"...and it didn’t end well."
"Gee, doesn’t that sound familiar."
"Hilde, come on! I thought we were over that, you know I was only trying to -"
But Hilde waved him off with an indulgent smile. "Just saying, hun, just saying. Hey, did you know Duo and I hooked up partially because of Trowa?"
"Oh?" Middie looked from Hilde to Duo and back with a bewildered look, large parts of the conversation going over her head.
"Yeah, a couple of years ago he cracked his skull falling off a tightrope, and he and his sister stayed here while he recovered."
"Wait, he has a sister?"
"Sure he does."
"A real one?"
"Uh-huh. They didn’t know it at first, though. They started out just doing a knife throwing act together, but then -"
But then, as in at that moment, Middie buried her face in her hands and doubled over with laughter. Hilde and Duo shared odd looks.
"Now I get it! I’ve been hitting on his sister all this time, that’s why he’s still so paranoid!" Middie managed between peals of laughter. "Oh God, the irony."
"You’re hitting on Catherine?" Hilde asked. Middie nodded, wiping tears of mirth from her eyes. Grinning, Hilde hooked her arm through the other woman’s and led her back to the house. "Then I’ll give you some tips."
"Tips?"
"I used to date Cathy for a while. That’s how Duo and I hooked up; he got jealous, and when Cathy and Trowa went back to the circus, it turned out that a long distance relationship with her just couldn’t hold up with Duo here suddenly doing everything in his power to win my heart."
And with that the women left, chatting as animatedly as when he’d arrived. Duo, feeling like he'd been thrust through revolving doors, wondered whether telling Trowa about this would help any, or only make things worse.
PSAN: Stay tuned! Or not, nobody's forcing you. :P
Spies Of Our Lives
When Spies meet Howard’s Hawaiian, and Its Namesake
When Spies have Job Interviews
When Spies meet their Karmic Twins
When Spies have Boring Assignments
When Spies meet Wise Old Masters
When Spies have Interesting Assignments
When Spies meet No-One. In Fact, This Never Happened
When Spies have Days Off
When Spies meet the No-Nonsense, Unimpressed Truth
When Spies have Family Outings
When Spies meet Relatives for Rent
When Spies have Utterly Bizarre Assignments
When Spies meet the Undead Doctor
When Spies have No Good, Very Bad Days
When Spies meet the Ghost of Love Disasters Past
When Spies have Reconciliation, Finally!
When Spies meet Their Ever After
Middie Une shows up out of nowhere and enlists with the Preventers. Paranoia ensues. Or it would, if Trowa had any say in it.